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Post Info TOPIC: Share your story here.


Guru

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Share your story here.


Welcome to MIP, Leah! 

There are some similarities in our stories!  My parents divorced when I was 7.  Mom remarried when I was 12, and I gained four step siblings.  I was the oldest (with one older stepbrother), and was supposed to know everything.

I stayed with Mom, who was a perfectionist.  That's where I learned shame, and that I couldn't do anything right.  no

My Father and Stepfather were alcoholics.  Mom was Narcissistic.  There are many forms of dysfunction; in my humble opinion, alcohol is only a symptom.  We come to the Laundry List from many different paths.

Congratulations on setting boundaries with your Mom!

Pull up a chair and join our experience, strength, and hope!    When you join this site you will see our personal shares.

In Recovery,

Princess K.



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Newbie

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New looking for a group online.



-- Edited by hopeful11 on Saturday 22nd of September 2018 10:48:20 PM

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Guru

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Posts: 7089
Date:

Welcome, hopeful! 

When you join this site you'll see our personal shares.  Pull up a chair and join our experience, strength, and hope! 

In Recovery,

Princess K.



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Newbie

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Hey. So...not use to doing this but I stumbled upon this site and felt compelled to share my story. It's a long one (who's isn't, right?), so I will shorten it for the sake of introduction.

My dad was/is the alcoholic. My mom had a hardcore addiction to cigarettes ( I've seriously never met another person that addicted to smokes in my life) and she had a bad habit of spending way too much money on the lotto and scratch offs. I was really close with my mom. My dad was a happy drunk when friends were around but once everyone left, happy drunk would leave and angry at the world drunk would appear. He'd find any and everything to complain about and I can't tell you how many times we'd walk on egg shells trying to avoid the inevitable blowup (that was usually from something as simple as looking in the fridge to long for a drink or closing a door too hard). We were all stupid (Mom, my younger sister and older brother). We were all ignorant. Stupid. You name it, we were it. Then a fight would ensue between my parents that ended with my sister and I crying in our rooms and my mom coming in to talk to us, cry to us and tell us that she was going to leave. Until the next day amnesia came that resulted in, well, nothing. Years this went on. YEARS. I ended high school pregnant by the first guy who gave me attention and, after two kids, he finally left me and made me realize that I deserved more than than a relationship modeled after my parents (ex wasn't an alcoholic but very controlling and verbally abusive). I met a great man who loved my two boys like his own and we added to kids to the mix. We moved far away from our home due to his job and live a life that I only dreamed of when I was a kid. I thought I had dealt with my childhood trauma. I thought I had even come to peace with my father (mom and him still continuing their toxic behavior, but I was only dealing with it on the rare visits home). Eventually, the cigarette smoking caught up with my mom and she ended up with C.O.P.D. She fought this disease for years but lost her battle last December, a week before Christmas. She was my best friend that I had to slowly watch wither away into a sad version of the woman she used to be. In the almost 10 months since she's been gone, things have gotten rocky with my dad again. We were never really close (never say I love you or anything like that) and my mom was the only one I really "talked" to. Dad was more of a "Hey how's the weather/ My car is making this noise" conversation. In these 10 months, my father sold the home him and my mother share and I was unable to go back and go through my mothers things. There was no funeral for my mother, no service, no ceremony. My father had her cremated and told me that we'd do something when the whole family could get together. Well, one Monday morning, my father called and told me that he took it upon himself to spread my mothers ashes on his mothers grave and that she was at peace now. I found out my mother was laid to rest, over someone else's grave 2 days after it happend. My heart broke. At that moment, all that hate , ugly and horrible past came rearing up into my future and I realized that all these things I thought I had dealt with were actually just stuffed away, waiting for the perfect time to escape. When I told him that I was upset that he did this, he replied that I was being too emotional and over reacting. and now this is where I'm at. This weird child like position of knowing that he is my father, he is elderly and sick (uncontrolled diabetic who drinks from the moment he gets up til he passes out) and therefore I should call him and check in on him....but then this other side of me that hates when he calls or avoids calling him cause when I do, it reminds me of how much I miss mom and brings back all these painful memories of my childhood. It makes me hurt that my mom lived this life with this man and that even in her passing, he could only toss her remains on a random Saturday on someone else's final resting place. I get in a foul mood when I talk to him and am trying to not talk to him, but feel so responsible for him at the same time. Messed up, right? Ah, I don't even know why I'm writing this. I just want to share this. Share my truth and not burden my loved one's with this crap. I just want so despertly to get over this all and live a full life and not one with pain just bubbling under the surface,.

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Guru

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Thanks for sharing your story, Verry Merry.

I'm sure there are many similarities in our stories.  However we got here, we all took on The Laundry List.

My Dad was also the alcoholic, and died from liver failure and diabetes. He took advantage of people, and none of us wanted anything to do with him.

My Mom just passed away in April.  I travelled up there at the end and watched her wither away.  She was Narcissistic, and we had our own issues.

We didn't get this way overnight, and there is no magic recovery pill.  It's usually a two steps forward, one step back process.

When you join this site you'll see our personal shares.  Pull up a chair and join our experience, strength, and hope!

In Recovery,

Princess K.

 



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Guru

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Posts: 7813
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 Hi Verry,

               we don't have an egg-timer on the table here biggrin so sometimes our shares are drawn out.

Maybe, because of this, our narrarites begin to make sense to us- and maybe motivate us to alter the scripts...confuse ...

...my dad was both the crazy drinker, and the smoker all rolled into one! I can't imagine the existence he had!

 

They say y'all kin take the  kid out of the family, but y'all cain't take the family out of the kid!

ACA, for me, is a place where we have peers who are also taking the journey- towards further maturity [hopefully!]

I see it as a process, rather than a product...

                                                                ...I always look forward to seeing fellow travellers... 

                                                                                                                                            ...welcome... smile ...

   



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~short and sweet~  ... ... ... ...   

 

 

 

 



Newbie

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Hello Everyone,

I am new to ACA and when I found this site I was so happy because I can share my story without the anxiety that comes with speaking it out loud. This is a good first step for me. So my dad is/was an alcoholic and growing up with him was incredibly hard. My mother was the money maker in the family and because her income was the the only thing supporting us. She was rarely ever home, which was incredibly tough because I needed her. My dad is an military veteran with PTSD and bad anger issues. Being at home rarely ever felt good. I remember that feeling of uncertency coming home from school and not knowing if hed be sleeping on the couch, drinking, or raging/frustrated over something minor. He was a violent person when something set him off he would punch holes in walls/doors, break things and throw them. He was emotionally abusive. Because I was never happy at home I rarely was ever in a good space to do my homework or pay close attention in school which frustrated my teachers. School nor home was a good place to be and over time I became stricken with anxiety and panic, and I started to loathe myself, which made it so difficult to make friends and connect with others. I have a vivid memory of a time when my father had gotten very drunk. He was yelling at mother and I remember hearing a loud smash which was followed by him storming out of the house. Soon after this argument my dad shot himself (by accident) in our neighbors backyard and had to be Helicopter med-evacted due to his critical condition. After this event he spent months in a psychiatric ward where I was not allowed to visit him due to being under age. My mother kept this event a secret she was ashamed. No one at school knew and I kept it bottled up inside of me for years. During this time I became so reserved and lost so many connections which had been an ongoing struggle for me throughout my life. Soon after this event my parents divorced and he started going to AA but during my last year of college my parents got back together and he moved back in. After graduating from college I had to move back home due to my students loans and not yet having a job. Moving back home has been so difficult because its the first time Ive lived with him since his days drinking and raging. Although hes sober he still has his anger issues and I feel like Im slipping back into the person I was in my childhood before I had left home. He seems to be so connected now in AA and has turned his life around and then theres me dealing with depression and anxiety trying to piece myself back together. Dont get me wrong my dad does have his good moments and can be very kind I just feel like I cant be myself around him or speak my truth. Im always on edge like Im waiting for him to blow up. I just want to get through this and meet others who have experienced similar struggles. I am hoping that someday I can overcome this so I can finally focus on myself and my life.



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Guru

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Posts: 7089
Date:

   {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Erin}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks for sharing your story.

My Dad and Stepdad were also the alcoholics.  After my Mom passed last April I found a deposition she did in 1962 when my parents divorced.  She kept a lot of Dad's bad behavior from my brother and I.  It turns out he spent his engineer salary on himself (and girlfriends), and my Grandmother supported the family.

Even when we leave the home we still carry the dysfunctional baggage with us.  I'm glad you have found ACA and can being the recovery process.  Yes, there is a better life!

When you join this site you will see our personal shares.  Pull up a chair and join our experience, strength, and hope!

In Recovery,

Princess K.



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