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I have only been to ACA meeting for a couple of weeks but would like to share my experience. I was court ordered to AA in 1978 after following in my mother's alcoholic footsteps. Though relapse is part of my story, I've been clean and sober now for 32 years. Recently a sponsee asked me what I thought about ACA. I explained that I couldn't offer any insight because I had never attended one but that, if she thought it might be a good fit for her, I would encourage her to check it out. She asked me if I would attend her first one with her and I agreed. She chose a women's meeting, thinking she would feel safer there and we logged in a few minutes before meeting time. I was promptly booted without a word. My sponsee messaged me and I explained that I had been booted. They asked what happened in the room and they were told that I was a man and not allowed. I am not a man although admittedly, my heart is way better looking than my physical self is. I feel neither safe nor welcome to return. We looked for another meeting but everything listed for 4pm on the world schedule required you to know you were going in advance so you could e-mail the group to get the credentials to get in. We gave up and decided to try another meeting the next night after requesting credentials from the meeting we decided to try. We mistakenly chose one that required us to turn our camera's on to "make sure we weren't bombers". Not sure how to tell a newcomer from a bomber but my sponsee, who is autistic (and not the high-functioning kind) and finds the camera on to often be a sensory onslaught and more than she can take for medical reasons. She left. We tried one more meeting but this one started with 'you must make 'I' statements. She also has dissociative identity disorder and uses we/us pronouns. Once again she left and she says she's not going back - that it feels "crazy unsafe for me".
My understanding is that being misunderstood and breaking societal rules is so normal for autistics that it's very nearly a diagnostic criteria. The more rules there are (to keep everyone safe) the more likely someone who is neurodiverse is going to break a rule and I imagined a was a very frightening place to participate and feel safe. Honestly, I'm not here to bad-mouth the program - really. I do want to say that the impression I walked away with is that ACA's primary purpose is to feel safe, not to carry the message. Again, to borrow from ACA, that is an impression not an indictment. If my perception is faulty or offensive in any way, please know that this was not my intention.
Hi and welcome and I like what David said about abandonment. I really feared being dumped or being abandoned, but you know the more I get closer to God and myself, Im OK if a relationship or an anything doesnt work out. I figure its my higher power protecting me And David mentioned our group on Facebook. Youre welcome to join if you want to.
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ROSIE, a work in progress!!!
Keep it simple__Easy does it__Keeping the focus on me--AND___"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown
I was told i was neurodiverse recently. I sort of knew that- but had busted my gut, for most of my ;life- trying to fit in.
I'm sorry that you had to wait so long for me to return and thank you! I had forgotten that I had posted here. I spoke of my friend's neurodiversity because it was germane to her issues. I hadn't mentioned my neurodiversity because it hadn't run into barriers that would have caused me to leave the meeting myself. Well, at least not on that day! :) Anyway, I'm 58-years-old and was diagnosed ASD2 two years ago. Busting my gut, for most of my life, trying to fit in? Check! Kind of funny, years ago I gained some temporary fame, and neurotypical people were paying me some serious money to teach them how to 'read' other neurotypicals. I worked so hard to perfect appearing neurotypicals that many thought that I got better at it then them. Insane the lengths we can go to abandon ourselves.
The two of us are on Zoom everyday but once we get to a point of sensory overload, it's over. I guess what I was trying to say was that it doesn't feel right to me that the group members appeared to be more afraid of the newcomers then the newcomers were of being at their first meeting. Candidly I told her, "It's been my experience that as your recovery grows, your fear lessens. I don't know how recovery could grow in that environment." It was only three meetings - and I've read a good deal of your literature and know it promotes love not fear. My friends not ready to try again at this point but I did, and found a women's meeting where I'm finding recovery and making new friends. I'm waking through the steps with the friend who's not ready to back - just her and I.
Thank you for the invite to the Facebook group but I've never been on - no account.
Hi Sunny... ...Just to clarify... We heard a rumour that these messages boards were being closed down last year.
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