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Hey all, new here and I need some advice. My mother is widowed, in poor health, walks with a walker and shouldn't live alone but refuses to leave her house. She lives about an hour from me. She is of sound mind so I can't make her do anything. I've asked the social worker at the hospital and they say she's allowed to make her own bad decisions. She's an alcoholic and drinks vodka to the point she falls, can't get out of bed, won't eat. She has some mental issues as well, some OCD-related things, and a very oppositional and negative personality. She's very self-destructive in her behavior, as in, will not use safety benches to get in and out of the tub, will not carry her phone on her or get a life alert button. I live an hour away. I call every night to make sure she's OK and that she hasn't fallen. She often has. Sometimes it's because she legitimately lost her balance, sometimes it's because she was drunk. Sometimes she's in bed but too drunk and incoherent to answer the phone or call me back. When I'm there, she'll drink in front of me to the point of staggering and falling then get furious and start crying if I refuse to take her out of the house. She's been in the hospital because of illness or falls three times within the last three months. She will not go to short term rehab. I won't buy alcohol for her obviously, but she buys it herself if I take her to the store. I'm about to put my foot down and stop taking her to the store with me when I buy her groceries, but it's the only time she gets out of the house. She'll also start calling random people or telling the neighbors she'll pay them to go get her a bottle. I'm at a bit of a loss. I understand detachment and letting people make their own mistakes and deal with the consequences, but what do you do when it's your 76-year-old crippled mother lying on the floor?
-- Edited by AimeeV on Friday 21st of April 2023 10:59:19 AM
She was never a drinker when I was young. This only started in the last ten years or so. I think it's because of physical pain due to the issues that cause her mobility problems and depression. It's gotten worse in the year and a half since my father passed away. I'm just not sure how to cope with the situation.
I finally think I have family members at least convinced not to get her vodka so she's drinking lower-alcohol sweet wine. She doesn't seem to be getting quite so drunk but she's still basically old and crippled, still falls, spilled boiling water on her hand and burned herself the other day and just shouldn't live alone. I worry about her, but she's so stubborn and will do things specifically to make me mad and show me "who's in charge" if I nag at her too much about being safe so I can't say too much. It's incredibly frustrating. Hence I'm here venting I guess.
