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Post Info TOPIC: Need advice on elderly, crippled alcoholic mother


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Need advice on elderly, crippled alcoholic mother


Hey all, new here and I need some advice. My mother is widowed, in poor health, walks with a walker and shouldn't live alone but refuses to leave her house. She lives about an hour from me. She is of sound mind so I can't make her do anything. I've asked the social worker at the hospital and they say she's allowed to make her own bad decisions. She's an alcoholic and drinks vodka to the point she falls, can't get out of bed, won't eat. She has some mental issues as well, some OCD-related things, and a very oppositional and negative personality. She's very self-destructive in her behavior, as in, will not use safety benches to get in and out of the tub, will not carry her phone on her or get a life alert button. I live an hour away. I call every night to make sure she's OK and that she hasn't fallen. She often has. Sometimes it's because she legitimately lost her balance, sometimes it's because she was drunk. Sometimes she's in bed but too drunk and incoherent to answer the phone or call me back. When I'm there, she'll drink in front of me to the point of staggering and falling then get furious and start crying if I refuse to take her out of the house. She's been in the hospital because of illness or falls three times within the last three months. She will not go to short term rehab. I won't buy alcohol for her obviously, but she buys it herself if I take her to the store. I'm about to put my foot down and stop taking her to the store with me when I buy her groceries, but it's the only time she gets out of the house. She'll also start calling random people or telling the neighbors she'll pay them to go get her a bottle. I'm at a bit of a loss. I understand detachment and letting people make their own mistakes and deal with the consequences, but what do you do when it's your 76-year-old crippled mother lying on the floor?



-- Edited by AimeeV on Friday 21st of April 2023 10:59:19 AM

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Aimee blume


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 Hi Aimee smile

Our parents were supposed to look after us!

My parents were not always capable. My dad was the drinker.

So we miss out on a childhood- trying to cope... blankstare 



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She was never a drinker when I was young. This only started in the last ten years or so. I think it's because of physical pain due to the issues that cause her mobility problems and depression. It's gotten worse in the year and a half since my father passed away. I'm just not sure how to cope with the situation.

 



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Aimee blume


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 smile ... I am an old timer. I am still a learner. aww

My approach with a newcomer is to start a conversation- and keep talking.

You don't have to share everything- unless you want to... biggrin

But the idea is to give you a listenin' post where you can begin to find your own solutions. biggrin ...



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Thank you very much, I appreciate your taking time to talk with me.



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Aimee blume


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I finally think I have family members at least convinced not to get her vodka so she's drinking lower-alcohol sweet wine. She doesn't seem to be getting quite so drunk but she's still basically old and crippled, still falls, spilled boiling water on her hand and burned herself the other day and just shouldn't live alone. I worry about her, but she's so stubborn and will do things specifically to make me mad and show me "who's in charge" if I nag at her too much about being safe so I can't say too much. It's incredibly frustrating. Hence I'm here venting I guess.


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Aimee blume


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 Aimee... it was nice to see you dropping by.

There are three active members in this group- and we get on together well. smile 

You are welcome to join us, if you wish, in the main forum. aww 



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Thank you. I'm not sure how to get there, is there a link?
This is such a big site.



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Aimee blume


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  smile  I am from a rural farming background- And I don't have much idea, neither... biggrin

 

But this link might help:-

 

[https://acoa.activeboard.com/f94587/adult-children-anonymous/]



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Hi and welcome, sorry to be so late getting to you but yeah you can't control your mom you can only control yourself and your own actions I know I've been there and it's hard enough to control myself much less another and sad to say she's just going to have to either keep going what she's doing or reach out and let herself be helped because you can only help yourself. I've learned that it's not healthy for me to try to help people who don't want to help themselves I have to let them go and just give them over to God if they want to help themselves and are willing to do their part then that's a different story I do what I can do anyway on the main board you'll find a lot of good posts and worksheets on the steps and all kinds of stuff you just get on the site and you just register and join you use a nickname and a passcode and then you have access to the whole site

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ROSIE,  a work in progress!!! 

Keep it simple__Easy does it__Keeping the focus on me--AND___"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown

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