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Post Info TOPIC: Looking for a refuge. Newcomer


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Posts: 1
Looking for a refuge. Newcomer


This is my first post here. I will keep it short and to the point. 

I have 5 years of sobriety. 100% clear of drugs and alcohol. I am in my early 30s, a female. 

I live with my alcoholic mom. This has not been easy ever, especially not during COVID. 

I am in two 12-step programs for my addiction and codependency. However, I know ACA will be the place I truly unshackle myself from my alcoholic parent and find freedom. 

Currently, I cannot afford to move away. I hope to move out as soon as I have 3-6 months of savings, because I do not want to be forced to move back. I want to end the cycle of living at her house but affording that move hasn't been easy and I have moved back to her when my living situations crumbled. 

A part of me wants to move now, because her drinking has reached a new level and my recovery feels threatened. I actually found a place that I could move into now, I can afford the rent, but I don't have that 3-6 months savings that would really make me feel more comfortable. I am trying to give this to God tonight. 

Lastly, for some reason the biggest point of contention with my alcoholic is not doing the dishes. I suffer from a physical disability and I have asked for additional assistance, but instead we butt heads on this issue endlessly. Her thinking is "if my adult daughter would JUST do the dishes... sheesh, what a loser..." My thinking "If I could JUST get some extra help, but the more I get yelled at, I retreat into my shell..." until I finally cave and do them. She wants the dishes cleaned but keeps the rest of house in a mess unlike any home I visited before Covid. The room I rent has many of her old things in a large corner. Even when I want to relax, I look up and there is her mess in my private space. 

I hate this dynamic. It brings up my childhood and feeling overly responsible, also the yelling and fighting, the endless men, the instability, and putting on a happy face, hiding my true feelings. 

It's not about the dishes. It's about the dishes. I am turning to ACA in desperation because that is what I did when I reached my other 12 step programs and it worked. I got better, and I know I will feel better with the help of these steps too. 

With hope,




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Posts: 11010

Hi and welcome, I grew up with alcohol too. I even used it myself to self medicate and numb my pain but when I got into recovery I realized that the only way through this mess is to work on me and to focus on me and to detach or distance myself from those people who are not healthy for my recovery. You said you can afford to move but you need the extra three months savings to feel comfortable, I get it. When you grow up in chaos you never feel safe and you never feel free but I think I made a breakthrough when I walked away from an abusive job that I really needed but my serenity meant more to me and I walked and I just trusted God to take care of me in that I did what was right for me and that is positive energy and I just had to trust that the universe would cover me and it has so far. Sometimes we have to leave before the other door opens but if it means my mental health, I would do it again in fact I am a public certified bookkeeper and I dropped a client that I could use but he was just way too much stress with his in attention to his books and waiting until last minute so his crisis became my emergency and I just told him I was done with it and to please find somebody else. My peace and serenity mean everything to me and I am just making myself trust my higher power. This situation you are in is not going to change. The only thing you can changes yourself if you join and get on the main board you will see lots of material and posts thatll help you sort things out with yourself. Please keep coming back, this works


ROSIE,  a work in progress!!! 

Keep it simple__Easy does it__Keeping the focus on me--AND___"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown


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Posts: 17475

Welcome to MIP, GoWalkFree!

This is a refuge!  On the Main Page you will find members' shares and experience, strength, and hope (ESH).

I also grew up in a chaotic alcoholic home.  I picked some loser alcoholic boyfriends, and drank a lot with them.  Recovery showed me this self-defeating pattern, and I was lucky enough to meet a man who takes responsibility for himself.

I hear that you are in a bad situation.  However, there is light at the end of the tunnel when you can afford to move out!

Keep coming back, ACA works if you work it!! 


In Recovery,

Princess K.

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