Hello everyone =)

 I am 30 years old, currently in therapy due to my "ACoA Trauma syndrome". I never realized I was experiencing this until my husband suggested I go into therapy. So, Ill tell you a little bit about me...here goes:

  My father is an alcoholic who through my life went through the motions of being sober and drunk. Most of my childhood, I remember him being drunk, and just being verbally abusive especially to my mother and eventually my mother. He was always a nasty drunk, would stop going to work for days at a time ( mind you he is a contractor ), would have strangers stay in our house and leave them alone with his wife and daughter. He is a narcissist who never finds fault and blames everyone else.  I was always Daddy's girl, always fended for him and had his back. This caused huge strain with my mother's and I relationship, but we will get to that later. I really always hoped that one day he would snap out of it, but he would only go for months at a time before going back again. Then he found God 8 years ago, and was actually sober for 6 years. I really felt that this change was for real and that everything would be ok again....then about 2 years ago, maybe almost 3 now...he started drinking again. Midn you his father before him was a drunk, and was physically and mentally abusive. Sending promiscuous messages to other women, was messaging another women ( he swears nothing happened ), was drinking on and off, of course mom threatens divorce, but doesn't follow through with it. Well about 8 months ago, my husband and my father got into a physical altercation ( we lived with them at the time )..of course my father was inebriated and started a fight with my husband.
  My husband went downstairs to place a dish in the sink to soak since it had a cheese with sauce base entree before then...my father then made a comment under his breath, which in turn my husband turned to him and asked what he said...my father in turned looked at my husband and said, " My wife is not your slave, clean your dish...." My husband looked at him and stated, " I was going to wash the dish, it just needs to soak. " To where my father and him got into a whole big tiff, to where my mother and I had to break up the argument.  My father then told him to get out and started saying really nasty things, my husband went to collect his things and so did I....before we left, my husband turned around to my father and said to never talk to him like that again...my father then placed hands on my husband and it was a whirlwind after that....I don't remember much because there was such an intensity to the situation, that we just knew we had to move out there ASAP.
 We ended up staying the night at my sister-in-law's, and decided what to do the next morning. Luckily, my sister-in-law knew the situation and knew we couldn't go back there. So...she offered us a place to stay for the time being until we get on our feet. My husband looked at me and asked what I wanted to do, I just said lets get a uhaul and go get the rest of our things and our animals. So that same day we rented a uhaul, it was myself, my husband and his cousin driving there to do what we needed to do. I was unsure of what may happen especially since we weren't sure if my father was there.....
   We get there and No dad, just mom....so we pack all our things, the animals along with tearful goodbye to my mother and start a new chapter in our life. Some time goes by and my mother reaches out to me and tells me she was looking to divorce my father because yet again he fell off the wagon...which was no surprise at this point, so she decided to go live at her parents...mind you....she takes her one dog, leaves the other one behind and her geriatric cat. So at this time, my mother and I have a strong relationship, I am gung ho - I am at her side, going with her to the lawyers, just 100% being there for her. ( the whole time my father was groveling and wanted her back )
 Now before I get into the nitty gritty, let me tell you about my mom. Real sweet lady, only wants what is best for you - but....completely gullible and can be brainwashed easily. She grew up in a typical European home, where woman is sub-servant to man, and that you always keep everything under-wraps and just keep smiling. So growing up my mother and I never had a strong relationship. I am a heavier plus size woman with two health conditions that slow me down when trying to lose weight, so my mom also one of the two conditions when she was younger and she too was a heavier woman. When she came into adulthood she starting purging and smoking cigarettes to lose the weight. So when she saw her daughter become a heavier woman, she had subtle "suggestions". She would comment on what I would eat, buy me clothes that are 2 sizes too small, or even comment on any outfit that i was wearing. She even discussed how I always needed to look suitable and have makeup on, my hair done, you name it the works. So this put a strain on our relationship very early on. She would always try to be the strong mother that was dealing with an alcohlic husband, but would always in shortness let him win. She was convinced by him to leave her one job, the other job she was fired from because of him, she was so toxic to herself because my dad would always look at other women and never give her attention, that she became a shopping addict and was addicted to her looks. At some point in my adult life, she started growing a pair and started seeing past the charade. She also found God and became very involved in the faith as well.
  So at this point where my dad starts drinking again, my mother goes a little crazy and they continuously argue, and try to hide behind their faith quoting scriptures and trying to basically argue their points. So when this event transpired between my husband and my father...she was on her last straw. She moves out, tries to get work, tries to do her own thing....so there is a time where I go back to the old house with her to collect more of her belongings because she only had so much.... during this time she was also watching my father on the camera we have at home and found out he was still drinking and there may be some drug abuse as well...so we go to the house, he is completely inebriated, I take the remaining dog and bring her to my husband who is waiting outside at this point because he doesn't want to take one step in there because he doesn't know what may transpire. So while my mother is yelling at my father who is completely intoxicated on the couch, I go on the search for the senior kitty she left behind.........I found her.....completely dead.....she was malnourished, looks like she had severe diarrhea and died in pain. My mother flipped out, cursed my father out, cursed the guy who was living there ( Oh yeah during this time they had a guy living there that had some sob story, mind you he was alcoholic and a drug user - he said he was trying to get straight....but evidence proved otherwise ) and my mother was completely done this time.
  We got a lawyer, we prepared to fight for the house, get my mom alimony and everything...then my dad sobered up. Of course he is sorry, shows up to where she is, gives her a sob story, wants to change, wont sign the divorce papers...yadda yadda...this goes on for a period of time....until I finally have enough and write my father an email and rip him a new one. He apparently then started to change after that....  I then get a phone call from my mom that she received a message from God that she should go back to him and she tried to force me to talk to him and forgive him........at that point I cut all ties and wanted to be civil. I never felt so betrayed and looked down upon. My mother contacts me from time to time...but I try to keep it short because she always tries to gaslight me and try to convince me to move back home.....yeah no not happening.
  SOOOO I mentioned I had a brother ... yes I do... He is older, he moved out earlier and is now happily married with two kids. But he too suffers from emotional trauma from my parents and doesn't even talk to my dad unless he has too. Everytime I talk to him or his wife they fill me in on what my parents are doing, and I just can't even understand how they said they changed and they are doing better, when the things I hear are the exact same thing from the time ago.

 So that's the end of story time....but I am here because my therapist recommended it and told me to reach out to others who may have experienced the same thing and try to heal.