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Post Info TOPIC: Ready and willing for change


Member

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Posts: 24
Date:
Ready and willing for change


My path to recovery has had lots of sharp turns. I started attending Al-Anon meeting in June 2019, but after about 3 months I felt I was in the wrong place and started attending AA meetings. I got a sponsor and started working the steps, but again I still get the feeling like I dont belong and I dont feel like Im any closer to recovering. There is one local ACA meeting that I attended last week and for the first time I feel a sense of belonging. 

After a few Al-Anon meetings I started exploring with faith based communities to try to figure out what my concept was of a Higher Power. There I met the man I have been dating for the past several months. He introduced me to AA, examples healthy behavior, and is supportive of whatever I feel is right for me through my process of recovery. Regardless, I still find myself resorting back to dysfunctional behavior patterns with an improvement being I recognize them for what they are, I just dont know what to do differently. 

In working the steps with an AA sponsor, the 4th Step process was incredibly disturbing as I spent decades blotting out the intolerance of the memories of my past and I have been suffering with depression ever since. Sharing it with her in my 5th Step was uncomfortable and left me feeling exposed and beat down. I heard lots of stories of how working through the 4th and 5ths steps of AA brought about a sense of relief, but I did not have that experience. My inner voice has been telling me my whole life that every unpleasant or difficult experience is my fault because I am a defective human being. Getting confirmation of that from another was not helpful. I love the fellowship of AA and I in no way am trying to put it down or bring any kind of negative judgements to the program. I am expressing how my experience with that approach to the 12 Steps was not right for me personally.

I grew up in a dysfunctional household with an abusive alcoholic mother. My father did little to protect me (in my opinion) from the abuse and divorced her when the Dept. of Child and Family Services were getting involved due to my injuries being reported by my High School when I was 14. I had already began drinking alcohol (willingly supplied by my parents), smoking pot, experimenting with other mind altering substances, and attempting relationships to try to avoid my emotions and silence the inner voice in my head that kept telling me I was worthless and unlovable. My self-destructive behavior provoked my father to repeatedly remind me that I was just like my mother. I dropped out of High School and got my GED at 16 and began working full time. I got a DUI at 19 and kicked out of my fathers house. I was pregnant and married shortly after turning 20, but the relationship ended before our daughter was born. Homeless with a newborn, my maternal grandparents flew me to stay with them while I figured out how to be a contributing adult to society. I spent 14 years living out of my home state and after the death of both my grandparents and 2 more toxic relationships (1 being another failed marriage) I moved back to home state. I struggle to build functional relationships with people in any aspect and over the past few years I have resorted to mostly isolating and just going through the motions of adult responsibilities.

 



-- Edited by flagship2020 on Monday 27th of January 2020 08:30:55 AM

__________________

Best Regards,

Kirsten



Co-Moderator

Status: Online
Posts: 15251
Date:

Thanks for sharing, flagship.

In recovery we become aware of our dysfunctional behaviors.  Change doesn't come overnight; it took us a long time to get this way, and we can't just flip a switch and be all better! 

There are lots of ways to do a 4th Step.  I found the inventory of my defects pretty easy!  When I shared my 5th Step, she asked me to go back and inventory my assets.  That was so much harder!!  confuse

ACA's Founder, Tony A., had a different twist on the Steps:

4. We made a searching and blameless inventory of our parents because, in essence, we had become them.

This was scary for me, as I hate any of my Mother's Narcissistic traits.  I was on the road to becoming her until I found ACA.

I believe you will find experience, strength, and hope here with people who have been through similar situations!

 



__________________

In Recovery,

Princess K.



Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1610
Date:

Thank you for your story, flagship. It's very nice to have you here with us. And I look forward to the journey with you. It took me so many years of recovery work to find my way to ACA... but I know I am where I am supposed to be. Welcome.

__________________

April 

"We were entirely ready to begin the healing process with the aid of our Higher Power"  Tony A's Step 6



Recovering Adult Child

Status: Offline
Posts: 1304
Date:

Welcome, Flagship2020! Thank you for sharing your story. I find ACA to be the best 12 step program. It really goes and attacks the root cause. Working the steps, sharing my experiences, and using other recovery tools. ACA has taught me that the most important thing is a willingness to change and putting in the work.

I'm so glad you are here. Keep coming back!

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Not my circus, not my monkeys

My 12 Steps Responses 

Codependent Thinking vs. Boundary-Led Thinking

5 Boundaries You Need  

Seven Principles for Self Care Practice



Co-Moderator

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Posts: 8764
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Hey flagship, yea, i hear you about abuse and abuse is added to abandonment because the abuser abandons our need to be loved, validated, hugged, supported, nurtured......there is proof that kids DONT THRIVE if not loved, nurtured, supported, protected, etc.,,

so what do us survivors do?? we learn, doing the steps and inner child work to be our own good parent our own loving/caring/protective/nurturing parent and it takes TIME

i am going into my 16th year of recovery and yea, i've come a long way, but I don't love me the way I should AS YET....progressing, but not there yet...I didn't get this sick over night...i am not gonna get well over night

WISHING you a BIG welcome to the family...On the main site, we got all KINDS of stuff/worksheets, etc., for you to read and share about when you are ready.....keep coming back

__________________

ROSIE,  a work in progress!!! 

Keep it simple__Easy does it__Keeping the focus on me



Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 24
Date:

Thank you all you the warm welcome and encouraging words I am grateful to be part of this fellowship with all of you!



__________________

Best Regards,

Kirsten



Co-Moderator

Status: Online
Posts: 15251
Date:

Welcome to the family, flagship!! 



__________________

In Recovery,

Princess K.

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