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I'm really not sure where to start. My start in life was not the easiest but certainly not the hardest. But I also feel like I've come a long way. I'm still learning (aren't we all) and I certainly don't have it all together. I guess a big part of what I'm learning is that it's okay to not have it all together... that no one really does.
I'm in my mid 40's now and still figuring a lot of things out. I wish I'd given myself permission in my teens and twenties to explore and figure things out. But at that time of life, I thought the best way to live was to be regimented, tightly compartimentalized, and well.. a true goody-goody. I had to be the best, and essentially "arrive" at being an adult. I expected myself to be the "model" of a role -- to be an archtype. As a result, I was almost a Jekyll and Hyde. At work or school, I exhibited one pattern of behavior while socially it was very different. I wanted to be the penultimate for the situation.
Everything started to change when my ex-husband deteriorated and became physically abusive. That was my breaking point. I refused to be hit. It took a few weeks (okay almost two full months) to get everything prepared and together, but with the help of a couple close friends, we put a plan in motion. It was tough. I made a significant career change but still, expected the ultimate best from myself -- and from others. However, as a part of the change, I went through a praxis model of professional development which called out many of my demanding behaviors. I began to see a difference between good enough and perfect. I also began to realize that good enough allowed me to connect with others in new ways.
Fast forward to today... There's a lot I haven't figured out. I'm figuring out what is appropriate for different contexts and situations. I'm working diligently to build relationships and collaborations based on appropriate peer relationships rather than an authoritarian stance or needing to be recognized as wise. Some days the hardest things is to admit that I'm exploring, working through it, and will make mistakes.
I agree that no one has life 100% together. Recovery has helped me get closer to that goal but truly it's a journey, not a destination.
I was expected to be a perfect kid, or I should say "little adult". I didn't discover recovery until I was 33. It took a while to learn what feelings were, and that it was OK to have them.
It sounds like you have been through a lot! our members come from a variety of backgrounds; I don't think any of us have had it "easy".
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Hey Mommie, I agree with PK, here....NONE of us had it easier..some had it terrible..some middle...but noone is keeping score..pain is pain....I didn't know how to feel either, i had to learn in recovery AND that it was OK to do so.....and again, PK is spot on when she says "it's a journey, not a destination"....I am a lifer here....
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ROSIE, a work in progress!!!
Keep it simple__Easy does it__Keeping the focus on me--AND___"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown
When you join this site you'll see our personal shares.