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Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families Home Page -> Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families -> Welcome Newcomers! -> 12 steps for adult children of alcoholic and dysfunctional families
Post Info TOPIC: 12 steps for adult children of alcoholic and dysfunctional families
mamalioness


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12 steps for adult children of alcoholic and dysfunctional families
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  1. We admitted we were powerless over the effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, that our lives had become unmanageable.
  2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand God.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
  7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory and, when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understand God, praying only for knowledge of Gods will for us and the power to carry that out.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others who still suffer, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.


-- Edited by mamalioness on Thursday 30th of August 2018 07:11:53 PM

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ROSIE,  a work in progress!!! 

Keep it simple__Easy does it__Keeping the focus on me--AND___"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown
pparker


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A perfect 12 steps you mentioned. That is what sobriety gives us: true courage.

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Mrs_Snoopy


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Welcome to MIP, pparker!! 



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Princess K.
Conikins


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Hi. I was searching for online forums as I have not yet found the courage to venture into a live meeting. I want to thank you for being here and allowing me to vent for a moment. I am still struggling to admit I have a real problem... Am I being silly?... overreacting?... No, my fathers drinking is a problem but does anyone else feel that way too? They do. But are they just being petty? Cant loosen up? Am I uptight? No, I know thats the disease talking. But i cant get past it. I cant convince myself of what I know is right because everyone is just so infected. Im infected. This is my own personal zombie apocalypse. Or a figment of my imagination created to make excuses for my own inadequacies. Hes just taking the edge off, relaxing... ha! I havent relaxed since... never... I know Im broken - were broken - but Ive spent so long - so many years - repressing... I work hard to maintain the status quo. Anyway, I am concerned that I will never get past step one. If I ever fully accept, admit that my life has become unmanageable - that alcoholism is a problem in my family (it is, why cant I just accept it?) - my upbringing focused heavily on self-reliance. Its almost a running joke in my family. Seriously, my father would go on rambling diatribes about it: No one is going to rescue you. You have to do that for yourself. Whether your 9 years old, 17 or 37... there is no power greater than me. There is only me. Healing seems impossible. The disease feels insurmountable. The steps are daunting. And Im already exhausted.

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Mrs_Snoopy


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Welcome to MIP, Conikins! 

Have you seen The Laundry List?  If you identify with it, you have definitely been effected by your family's alcoholism!!

  1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
  2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
  3. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
  4. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
  5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
  6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
  7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
  8. We became addicted to excitement.
  9. We confuse love and pity and tend to love people we can pity and rescue.
  10. We have stuffed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
  11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
  12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
  13. Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
  14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

Tony A., 1978

https://adultchildren.org/literature/laundry-list/



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Princess K.
Conikins


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Thank you, again. Yes, I am well aware of the Laundry List. I have stood here many times before: on the doorstep of recovery. Ive read everything there is to read, know where the meetings are; Ive even attended college courses on addiction medicine. I know I am deeply affected by the alcoholism in my family. But, as the disease dictates, I dont trust what I know.

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Mrs_Snoopy


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Pull up a chair and join our experience, strength, and hope! 

The Program is go-at-your-own-pace.  When you are ready, you can dive in!



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In Recovery,

Princess K.
mamalioness


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Hi Conikins:

LOTS of love and support on the main page..worksheets posted for step and inner child work, LOADS of good stuff....Come join us

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ROSIE,  a work in progress!!! 

Keep it simple__Easy does it__Keeping the focus on me--AND___"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown
mamalioness


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Conikins wrote:

 there is no power greater than me. There is only me. Healing seems impossible. The disease feels insurmountable. The steps are daunting. And Im already exhausted.

 Ohh I can so relate to this...I felt forever that there was nothing but me, but life finally broke me down, and I GAVE UP!!!  it was then that I felt my higher power of the universe WITHIN me..when I was so down, I had no resistence anymore....AND, yea, the steps were daunting so I took a slogan    one day at a time   to one step at a time and there is no time limit on how long I work a step......and yep...I was tired, too....you are NOT alone



__________________

ROSIE,  a work in progress!!! 

Keep it simple__Easy does it__Keeping the focus on me--AND___"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown
pparker


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Although, not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic, only a small population tends to drink alcohol in moderation. Majority of people tends to binge drink in an effort to get drunk. If such tendencies are not controlled, it is highly likely to become addicted to alcohol. www.addictionrehabcenters.com/addiction-treatment/alcoholism-treatment-rehabilitation/

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Mrs_Snoopy


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Thanks for sharing, pparker.



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In Recovery,

Princess K.
Cooleyhigh


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Hello My name is Richard

Just finished doing Step 1 and 2 in the ACA Yellow workbook and it did mentions the sex addict in the family. I was impressed because Adult Children of Sex addicts does exits, I just can't find it. If anyone can assist me in where I may find an ACOSA I would appreciate it because I am a grateful recovering sex addict and I see more sex addiction in the Family than Alcohol and drugs. I have been using this platform to help in answering the questions in the workbook and it has helped greatly from the answers from others.

Grateful recovering sex, lust and porn addict, Richard

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Mrs_Snoopy


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Welcome back, Richard! 



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Princess K.
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