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my name is river. i hit bottom in 2017 after being hospitalized right after my high school graduation for suicidal thoughts. a few months later, i found ACA. i've been attending meetings on/off since then (consistency was a bit difficult the last two years due to moving twice, but i'm now attending meetings twice daily on the acachat.online website). i'm on step five... admitting to god, ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
a little bit of my story: my parents met, conceived me, and then 8 months later were married. things were never perfect, but the first few years of my life were relatively peaceful and normal. when i was six, my first younger brother was born. my mom had two more boys after that, with me being the eldest and only girl.
from a very young age (seven or eight years old, i believe... it's a bit fuzzy) i was expected to watch and take care of my younger siblings. my mom was working as a waitress while my dad was out doing odd jobs with friends and drinking at the bar, so i was in charge of my siblings more often than not. when mom was actually home, she was napping. i learned very quickly how to feed myself and my brothers. eventually, on top of watching my siblings, i was also tasked with the majority of the housework. i was in elementary school and feeding/dressing myself + my brothers for school before waking my hungover dad and getting him to drive us. our clothes were never clean, and my dad often yelled at me in the car on the way to school for looking filthy, when really he should have been taking care of me. i was expected to do the dishes, cook meals, and keep the house tidy every single day. i was grateful to go to school because it was a break from the responsibilities... if i didn't complete "my" chores before dad got home from the bar, he'd make me stand in the kitchen for hours while lecturing me drunkenly, threatening me with abandoning my beloved cats as motivation to do what he wanted.
the responsibilities and the emotional neglect+abuse only got worse as i got older. i was praised for being a "second mom" to my siblings, while secretly i was resenting them for being "the reason" why i had no freedom. dad's drinking got worse, he was unemployed. shamefully, i admit today that i participated in bullying my first younger brother with my dad (harassing him got me on my dad's good side, and if you didn't participate in the name-calling, he'd turn on you, too.)
my dad was not the only one at fault. my mother is an ACA herself, but isn't in recovery. she denies having any problems. i learned to keep my mouth shut and to just do what i was told, staying out of the way with my baby brother on my hip. i couldn't hang out with my friends my own age. i developed an eating disorder and severe depression. despite my obvious physical neglect, no teachers or other adults recognized the signs. no one helped me. my dad either showed up to milestone events completely wasted, or didn't show up at all.
fast forward past high school, hitting bottom, and finding ACA... i'm 21 now and living a thousand miles away from my family. i recently started going to online meetings after not going to any meetings at all for a long time... coronavirus has put a stop to all IRL meetings in my area. i'm hopeful that this time around i'll get through the steps and stay emotionally sober.
i'm looking for a sponsor or a co-sponsor... if you relate to my story feel free to reach out.
i also run my own online ACA group and meeting online at https://discord.gg/3g9cwHV . feel free to join, it's 24/7 chat and it's brand new
thank you for listening.
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it works if you work it, so work it you're worth it!
Sad that you were expected to take care of your brothers instead of having a childhood.
My Dad and Stepdad were alcoholics, and Mom was Narcissistic. She had a Masters' degree in Counseling, but thought she was "cured" and the rest of the world was mentally ill.
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I had to be mother to my younger siblings as well so I had no childhood either and I also had to work if I wanted the school clothes etc. so I learned how to rob the Goodwill boxes because I couldnt be house mother and worker and still go to school and try to get an education. So yeah I was completely robbed of my childhood in other even more evil ways. I hope you join our main page You will find a treasure trove of love and information and good things to get your teeth into. I hope to see you join up and join us
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ROSIE, a work in progress!!!
Keep it simple__Easy does it__Keeping the focus on me--AND___"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown
