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Post Info TOPIC: Friendships/Relationships


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 41
Date:
Friendships/Relationships


I'm brand new here and was directed her by my thearpist. I'm the Adult daughter of an alcoholic father and perscription addict mother. I don't know if anyone else has this issue but I'm having a very difficult issue with friendships they we're all alcoholic's and relationships the guys we're either alcoholic's or drug addicts. I have never drank or done drugs (see enough of it growing up) I'm so frustrated by all of it I have a very difficult time with friendships it's really hard for me I pick all the wrong people for myself. My thearpist told me sign up to Al-Anon and figure it all out so you can go on and have the friendships I want and relationships. I'll give you some background I had a bipolar1 narcissistic sociapath Mother we had NO relationship as all I was the scapegoat. I was outspoken and defiant which led to me being locked in my bedroom after school most of the time as a punishment so I never really had friends so making friends has not been so easy and those I did make friends with all had drinking problems.. I saw my parents and I wanted much better for myself as a matteroffact my five other siblings never drank, smoked or did drugs none of us ever did. Which was a miracle itself considering our background. My Dad was very good to us he took care of six kids four of us a year apart when I was born there was four of us under four. I believe she drove him to drink. I hope someone who shares my story or can give me some insight I would appreciate it so much. Thank you.

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Co-Moderator

Status: Online
Posts: 15622
Date:

Welcome to MIP, Irishgirl! 

I also picked alcoholic/dysfunctional boyfriends, one after the other.  I could walk into a crowded room and pick out the alkies right off the bat!! 

There are no simple answers to recovery.  It takes time to undo the way we have been all of our life.  It takes self-discovery and patience.  Two steps forward, one step back....

There are many tools of recovery.  Different ones worked for me at different times.  Give them a try; this Board, meetings, books, sponsorship, the Steps, therapy, etc. and see what works for you!

Welcome; pull up a chair and join our experience, strength, and hope!! 



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In Recovery,

Princess K.



Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 2717
Date:

Thanks for sharing, Irishgirl, and welcome!!! Thanks for sharing, PK.

I also struggle with safe relationships. I have a history of picking relationships that are emotionally unavailable.

I agree with PK that everyones journey to recovery is different. There is a lot of information just on this forum alone, plus books, websites, and meetings. My journey started with adultchildren.org This is the ACA website. I read the Laundry List, The Problem, The Solution and the Steps. I found so much relief and comfort in reading these words. I then found MIP. This group has served as a meeting, fellow travelers offering support much like a sponsor, and a place to learn new life skills. From there I worked the steps using The Yellow Workbook. This has been my journey for about 16 months, and I continue to grow every day.


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Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1610
Date:

Welcome Irishgirl. It's so nice to have you here with us. And thank you for introducing yourself. My name is April. We welcome you to continue to share here with us. We are all learning as we go. And it's pretty cool what happens along the way. You've been given some good sound advice to get you started. Keep coming back. It works.

__________________

April 

"We were entirely ready to begin the healing process with the aid of our Higher Power"  Tony A's Step 6



Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 41
Date:

Thank you Mrs Snoopy, Orange and AprilDenlan for responding back I appreciate it so much. I don't know why I thought it would be a quick fix most that do probable think the same thing. I am in thearpy it was what brought me here. I was so perplexed why I attracted so many alcoholic friends and boyfriends and I don't drink, smoke or do drugs I never have. I do love a good time and lots of fun but I never needed anything, I loved life. I was married 22 years and it was like a noose around my neck. I'm a free spirit, the beat to my own drum, independent and very determined to accomplish. I've been divorced really happily 24 years. I'm an Artist. My background was as you can see very difficult. My Dad took care of us he was loving and a great Dad an alcoholic and my thearpist told me that's where all the problems come in. I felt comfort from him and that was familiar for me and why I attracted girlfriends and boyfriends that we're all alcoholic's or drug addicts. I want to change that so much. The last alcholic friend I said good bye to about two weeks ago I just could not listen to her any longer. She'd call me at 10, 11 midnight Pacific time I'm on the east coast 3 hrs different and rambles on drunk falling off the chair and the phone goes flying. She would ask me how I am and never give me a chance to answer her she'd go on and on about herself. If I did get the chance she some how related it to herself and that was my input for the night. I had never met someone that made such detrimental choices to her well being in my life. I reached a point of I can't do this anymore we we're friends 12 years. We met at work no one liked her I felt bad for her that's me not paying attention to the "why" do people not like her but feeling bad for her the underdog and befriend her. That's another problem of mine I'm always (I call it help the little bird with a broken wing) trying to help someone now that's to my detriment. I get yelled at for giving money to people with signs saying there homeless.. I'm always trying to help people I have this overwhelming need to help everyone that needs help. I can actually put myself in that persons shoes and feel there pain my thearpist tells me I'm an empath I had to look it up I had no clue what it even meant. I have to agree that's me. I was yelled at by a friend I had just bought a coffee and cookie I walked out the door there is a homeless person with clothes on not weather appropriate I have him my coffee to warm him up and my cookie to go along with it. I can't watch news I three months ago got rid of my package internet and tv I could not bear to watch the news or a regular movie. Everyone is like thank God you don't what all is going on.... I don't I downloaded an app that blocks certain web pages. Just hearing from my family what was going on sent me into stress hives on my face it was unbearable I had to go on prednisone to stop it but when that alcholic friend called I was in agony finally was able to pen point she was part of the problem since she's gone I get then now and again nothing like when I was talking to her thank God.

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Co-Moderator

Status: Online
Posts: 15622
Date:

Thanks for sharing, Irishgirl.

You are already progressing in recovery by distancing yourself from toxic people!! 

I think as you get better, healthy people will be attracted to you.



__________________

In Recovery,

Princess K.



Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 41
Date:

Thank you so much Mrs Snoopy. There all gone from my life now and I'm not as stressed out anymore. I'm learning discernment for my life tool box to use when new friends come into my life, in thearpy I'm also learning I can't save the world I have to take care of myself first. We have to take care of ourselves first.

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