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Post Info TOPIC: allowing happiness


Newbie

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Posts: 3
Date:
allowing happiness


I feel as though I have had an insight this morning.  I have been struggling with scary thoughts, sadness and anxiety,at a time in my life that is supposed to be so peaceful and full of joy. I have a beautiful life, fabulous husband, I live in a gorgeous part of the country I am sober nearly 40 years, I am healthy. The problem is I can't seem to accept this because I am a self flogger, hyper vigilant and fearful because of my upbringing.  I am not accepting happiness because I create crap in my head to feel "normal" and emotionally unsafe.  I feel like areal dope!  Thanks for listening fellow ACA's. xoxo



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Co-Moderator

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Posts: 15250
Date:

Thanks for sharing, Shiloh.

No way are you a dope!

We develop traits that help us survive in a dysfunctional family.  However, in adulthood they get in our way of a happy life.  In recovery we discover and change these habits.

The Laundry List 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

  1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
  2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
  3. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
  4. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
  5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
  6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
  7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
  8. We became addicted to excitement.
  9. We confuse love and pity and tend to love people we can pity and rescue.
  10. We have stuffed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
  11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
  12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
  13. Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
  14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

Tony A., 1978



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In Recovery,

Princess K.



Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 3
Date:

Hey..they wrote this for me!!  Here I am fully described...thank you so much!



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Co-Moderator

Status: Online
Posts: 15250
Date:

You're in the right place!! 



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In Recovery,

Princess K.



Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 9062
Date:

 

   smilesmilesmile, ...it is reassuring to know- that we are not alone... aww ...



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Short and sweet. 

 

 

 

 

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