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annt · Member

Aftermath of Sexual Abuse.

mamalioness · Moderator_in service

I hear you....I felt the same way....ALL of the above for the same reason....I am better with me now because I share and I care with others.....Please join us and then you can get on the main page as well and begin your healing, like I did....I didn't know how to cope either till I got into recovery...There is hope...There are people who (me for one) can/will love and support you.....

Mrs_Snoopy · Member

Sorry annt, I just saw your post.

If you are going to harm yourself, PLEASE call a suicide hotline.

I KNOW you would be missed!

Don't make a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{annt}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

mamalioness · Moderator_in service

(((((annt))))))) hey!!! check in with us!!! We CARE.....PLEASE...there is help....

annt · Member

Are there any recovery houses I can go to, to help me work through what has happened and rebuild my life?

Mrs_Snoopy · Member

annt, I don't know of any for ACAs; most of them are for addicts.

Have you been in therapy?

https://www.hazelden.org/

Heart44 · Newbie

Annt, I am new and just stumbled upon your message. I just wanted to say that "you are worthy of love and belonging" (Brene' Brown- she has a wonderful talk on TED Talks about vulnerability, shame and courage). I wish you well and pray for you.

david · Guru

...there should be recovery houses... and there is professional help- if people can afford it. It may take years...

I made this group my place of recovery. I set out to trust others... and in the end learned to trust myself- my own thoughts and feelings...

...I learned to live in the present... ...to find my true self... and to be present at all times...

People may find face to face groups. People may find professional help- which actually works...

...I like to see feedback- as to what strategy people take... we are all learning as we go along... smile ...

CayceFriend · Veteran Member

Dear Annt
I am finding your message on May 7, 2019. I have done years of recovery work on sexual abuse. I have had the pattern of working, taking a break, working, taking another
break, etc.
I have worked with one on one counselors, group therapy, art therapy, EMDR (Eye movement), EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique, and many more systems.
I am a holistic health practitioner/clairvoyant myself and also work with others who are going through this recovery process.
(Similar to a recovering alcoholic helping another on the path).

Not sure where you are located. I am currently living in Phoenix, AZ on Pacific time.
There are books you can get: The Courage to Heal by Laura Bass and Ellen Davis.

I also attended Adults Molested as Children meetings and Incest Survivors Anonymous. (No one at these meetings will parse your experience...."oh you don't qualify"...
if you walk in, you'll be welcome...unless they are for Women Only or Men Only and you're not the "one they are seeking!" ha ha).

I know that many mental hospitals deal with this situation but I can't name any off hand. Cleveland Clinic, in Ohio may do something.
If you want to do one on one counseling with me via Skype or phone, I am available for that, but I may be breaking rules to even offer that here. (I'm new on site and
not sure how it works).

I have been a suicide prevention counselor and worked with people with HIV/AIDS, autism, unwed mothers, and many other at risk populations.
I am happy to provide you a list of books and materials that I have used for self-help as well.
I won't elaborate any further unless/until I hear back from you and that information is wanted.
But you are not alone.
I have healed a lot in my work on this issue, but am not afraid to admit, I still am working on it in some ways.
In the US, statistics reveal that 1 in 3 women are sexually abused before adult hood, and i in 4 boys. It is literally an epidemic in our country.

david · Guru

Yay! Yes... I am not a victim of sexual abuse. But- in the end I felt totally emasculated. Betrayed by the previous generation. And broken.

Breathing has been a big part of my journey...

I had a death wish- suicidal ideation- death warmed up- call it what you like for much of my life.

From the inside looking out- life is horrific.

I shared this morning about a book I am reading- a living hell. And I relate to it! I relate to the survivor skills.

By banding together we do find solutions... seeking the similarities, rather than the differences... biggrin ...

CayceFriend · Veteran Member

Dear David....
Is the book title: A Living Hell or did I get that wrong?
Feeling emasculated is likely common in our group for the guys. I felt defeminized as well.
I am so happy to find you all in this sacred space. Safe space. Loving space.

I'm here for you too.

david · Guru

Oh thanks Cay...

(((((((((((((((( Cay ))))))))))))))

The key ingredient in ACA, and ACA D-F... is that we reparent ourselves.

I think that is what we do best, and actually what we are about here...

...oh no, Cay... I was talking about my own living hell. Very hard to break out of...

...the title of the book is "The Choice", by Edith Eger.

I am getting right into it- and I am really really interested in what Edith does to face her old ghosts and demons- from the death camp.

Writing the book, in itself, is helpful... smile ...

david · Guru

I DO NOT want to get away from the effects of sexual abuse.

If the effects are a daily reminder of the state of people's worth- at the moment- this is the reason for extreme concern.

And I always state the option to seek professional help. This is obvious. We could expect people to seek help from ACA as well.

And, if, for geographical or economic reasons there is no source of professional help- then ACA, or ACA D-F might help provide support.

I access the reading for the 8th of May- in our daily reader and this lays out the deal.

https://adultchildren.org/aca-daily-affirmation/

Mrs_Snoopy · Member

Cayce, one of our posting guidelines is "Do not solicit or advertise".

There is a fine line between attraction and promotion. What you and another member decide in Private Message is up to you all.

david · Guru

Hmmm... yes... I see that you too- AnnT are still reading the thread you started. smile ...

Bring a male- I might say: "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread."

In the face of the "Me Too!" movement the leader of my country stood up in the United Nations and said "We Too".

So I take it from that- that we are all in this together- to ensure that all our children, nieces and nephews are safe. That there are safe spaces in this world. To be- and to be ourselves.

And that we ourselves feel safe.

Mama/Rosie has also posted the 8th of May reading on the main sharing board.

I am immensely proud of this group- and of what we all have been able to achieve. I believe, in our own small way, that we are able to make a difference. biggrin ...

david · Guru

Claudia B. is a proud member of ACA D-F. And as Dr Claudia Black she wrote a forward in the Big Red Book.

She is a respected practitioner, in her own right. When I started with this group James said that everything is on topic for ACA's.

Well- yes, and no... but we do always have the right to be wrong and to try things out... I have always found it much easier to do conscience issues

~on the run~ and to sort them out- as we go along...

and also "brainstorming" of issues is something we do- when members ask for it... smile ...

CayceFriend · Veteran Member

Well said David. This community is a Godsend. Thank you!

david · Guru

smile Cay... our closest cousins stayed every summer with us- out on the farm. The boy cousins slept with us in two bunks- topping and tailing. Eight young kids.

All four of those city cousins were gay- and all four ended up working in the sex-for-sale trade. Their dad, my uncle had gone into the NZ navy, at the age of 15. He was discharged as unfit in 1943- after the Battle Of The Coral Sea.

I have my own story- life story, of course. Living in a close-knit rural community was a godsend for me. Sadly, though, the valley floor was flooded- to create electricity towards the end of last century.

I was the oldest of five kids- and I often copped it for sticking up for others, and for myself.

I think I have learned to do things better. To develop a sense of humour- and even fun sometimes...

...and so- sharing my own ESH- I am passionate about healing and recovery.

What else can we do?

smile ...

CayceFriend · Veteran Member

Dear David
Thanks for sharing more. I so relate to the "living in the country" blessings! My grandparents had acreage and woods near Olympia, Washington and my happiest childhood
memories are from there. We spent a year with them when I was 12. Also spent many weekends and holidays etc. Nature is such a healing agent!

I'm the oldest too. That is a special role, as you know.

Having that sacred space disappear must have been hard for you. My grandparents land was sold ultimately and there is a housing development there now. I have promised myself to never see it that way as long as I live. Another cousin has the same attitude. Did you ever see the flooding of your family land?

I agree as well with the sense of humor. I took a class in Comedy Improv and it was a life changer. It helped me "lighten up" a lot!

I do a lot of writing on Quora.com
It has a world wide reach. I think I'll post today's article in here under the topic of anger.
Have a blessed night. (Its day time here in Arizona, so I suspect it is night there in New Zealand, right?)
Thanks for being here.
By the way, I love your country's message: "We Too!"
My heart goes out to the cousins who ended up as sex-workers. Ouch.

david · Guru

Oh yes, Cay... we lost 10 acres and retained 40... with a highway running through it... our peach orchard is now a small boat harbour.

my siblings could see $$$'s on the horizon and retained their interest in the land- with a view to making a killing- with lake side sections.

They used their majority to force a sale in the end.

The rest is history... cry ...

david · Guru

smile Oh yes... PK is short for Princess K. PK and Mama are the mods here. [Moderators] and they do a darned fine job...

And thanks to AnnT we have a lively thread here- on the newcomers group. aww aww aww aww aww aww aww ...

I call myself a long-timer having been in Alanon for years... and maybe a good candidate to welcome newbies. biggrin ...

I find that we have to create this space- and expand our horizons- in all sorts of ways... to make an impact- in a dark silent world.

Sensitivity around words, meanings and feelings comes to our aid here! Along with copious amounts of compassion and empathy.

A lot of our ills, I believe come about because we had heaps of the latter two- but were taken as suckers by those around us. Big time.

so our true self was always here- tucked away inside. aww ...

When we manage to get amongst people- who have a strong capacity for love- a lot of our old traits- and coping mechanisms- surface.

But we all know what these are by now, and can duck and weave around them... biggrin ...

...so the boundary lines unfold... and we learn to embrace these- and get to the real nitty gritty- pretty fast... smile ...

I have worked two days- and am not having a pyjama morning in a B&B. I bought minimal food and had rice bubbles for brekkie.

Feminist theory is that it is not about sex- but it is about power. And the p-word looms large in my life.

Power-less, power-full... the heart of the steps... biggrin ...

CayceFriend · Veteran Member

I love your wisdom and experience and hope.
Thanks again!

Jennyfromtheblock · Newbie

@Caycefriend, I don't know many people who work with ACAs (who have been sexually abused) and also have aspergers. It is refreshing to find. Thanks for your post. The book , Courage to heal, was amazing. Writing Ourselves Whole was great too. A journaling book. I am new here, too, so I hope it is ok to post other literature. Have a blessed day. I look forward to your posts.

Mrs_Snoopy · Member

Thanks for your post, Jenny.

Any recovery-related resources are welcome here!!