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Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families Home Page -> Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families -> Welcome Newcomers! -> The Laundry List
Post Info TOPIC: The Laundry List
Mrs_Snoopy


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The Laundry List
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Tony A., the founder of Adult Children of Alcoholics, wrote The Laundry List in 1978.  This defines the nature of our ACoA issues; our major problems and common behavior patterns.  If you identify with a majority of these issues, this is the place for you!  (Excerpted from The Laundry List: The ACoA Experience by Tony A.)

The Laundry List 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

  1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
  2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
  3. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
  4. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
  5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
  6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
  7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
  8. We became addicted to excitement.
  9. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue."
  10. We have "stuffed" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
  11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
  12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
  13. Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
  14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

From ACOA World Service Organization http://www.adultchildren.org/lit-Laundry_List

Pull up a chair and join our experience, strength, and hope for the solution!

In Recovery,

Princess K.



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In Recovery,

Princess K.
mamalioness


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Thank you PK for your service!!!!....

I read this and I think..."yep, I was all of the above, nearly" and I see now???? WOW!!! I AM progressing..I AM overcoming....and I CAN be even better......

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ROSIE,  a work in progress!!! 

Keep it simple__Easy does it__Keeping the focus on me--AND___"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown
tomatkins1955


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A lot, not all of this fits. It's good to see in print because it is a reminder that I am not alone, and there are paths to better places. Thank you.

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The Poet
Mrs_Snoopy


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No, you're not alone, tomatkins!  We're all on this journey to recovery....



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In Recovery,

Princess K.
mamalioness


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Hey Tom...what i did was copy and past that laundry list on a word program and then print it out and when I got to step 4, it came in handy the stuff that was wrong with me and working the steps on it......Just thought I would toss that in there.......

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ROSIE,  a work in progress!!! 

Keep it simple__Easy does it__Keeping the focus on me--AND___"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown
littlle tess


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Hi everyone, I'm Tess. I've been here before several years ago. I've done a lot of work on my self in terms of childhood traumas, but fear of abandonment gets me every time. And I still have habits of behavior that don't serve me well. Think I'm in the right place. Thank you for this space.

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Mrs_Snoopy


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Welcome, Tess!! 

Pull up a chair and join our experience, strength, and hope! 



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In Recovery,

Princess K.
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