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Post Info TOPIC: SMR February 13


Guru

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SMR February 13


Feb13.jpg



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Thank you Princess for posting these,

I know a lot about the inner critical parent.
Today still my parents can't help themselves telling me what to do,
what I should say, think, etc.
I remember 2 years ago when they visited us my refrigerator broke and they
were there all over me tellling me what I should do when actually they have
absolutely no clue as to what to do when a refrigerator is broken, but
they just need to get control over me. I lost a day just arguing with
them about why I will not do this, nor that, because the manual says it's not
a good idea, etc. etc.
Perhaps it's my fauly too, I entered their games because they won't just
leave me alone, they will follow me around the house with their ideas and
harrass me until they make me react, that's the way they react when they
want to control me ...
It triggers so much anger and frustration in me ... and it makes me
fear their next visit ...
It's like my whole life it's just a huge preparation for the moments when
I will have to deal with my parents. The phones, the emails, THE annual visit.
And then some quietness while dealing with the anxiety for the next phone/email/visit
while trying to digest the feelings of frustration, pain, deception and emptiness
for the moment of contact that just past.

And my inner critical parent telling me I'm not doing this the right way.
That I should not feel like that, I should not blah blah blah . Guilt. Shame.
Wanting to disapear. I am bad girl, I cannot feel any positive feelings
for my parents. I am trying but I can't. And I can't force myself to be 'nice'
to them anymore either. And feeling bad about it.
This is what my inner critical parent does to me ... and this voice makes me sad and depressed...
This is where I am today ...

Thank you for reading me,

Love,

Iléana


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 I was always good enough... but I always tried to make it better- so I could get rid of my deep sense of abandonment and shame, I suppose.

 I suppose, because I still don't actually know, entirely... but, through sharing, I have a lot of recovered memory. And i am able to piece things together day by day...

((((((((((((Princess K, and Ileana...)))))))))))))))



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  short and sweet...  a goal, anyway...

 

 

 

 



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Thanks for sharing, all!

In Recovery,

Princess K.



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Thanks for posting today's reading, Princess K. And thanks for sharing, Ileana and David. I'm not a very good housekeeper and when my parents used to visit--they both died in the early 1990's--although they did not openly express their disapproval, the expression on my mother's face told the whole story. My Dad was more like me so I don't even think he even noticed. When I look back on it, I can understand why this really bothered my Mom but I found it really hard to take and so wanted to do better. But it was not just housekeeping but also something undefinable, something shameful that I felt elicited my Mom's obvious feelings of disgust at who I was. I've done the 4th step several times and continue to take my inventory just about every day. I want to do better but I need to feel that under the surface, I've always been okay. Unfortunately I'm not there yet.

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I like that our hp helps us to fulfill our needs doesn't do it for us.A part is up to me.I wait around for God to do it or run around like a nut trying to do it.Need the peace of now in the inbetween

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Great shares Nana and Chris ...

Nana, I relate to the shame of not being able to get my mom's appreciation.
I am not resentfull anymore for what she did, the physical and emotional abuse, but I am resentfull for this deep self blame that I have for myself ... and I know this comes from my mother's rejection ... this I can't heal yet.
I can't seem to be able to see this as abuse. She didn't reject me, she was just being herself. She didn't like children.
She was not good with children. Can I blame someone for that? It did affect me though. Anyway, I should at least stop
blaming myself ... it wasn't her fault perhaps but why do I behave as if it was mine ... I don't need to do that.

Thank you for being here friends,

Love,

Iléana

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Ileana, I think our Mothers have some things in common.  Mine also did not want kids, but I guess it was expected back then.  She didn't come out and say it, but the attitude was there.  She didn't know how to raise kids, and treated us like little adults.

She is Narcissistic and was in psychotherapy when I was growing up.  She had her own problems, and couldn't be concerned with mine.

She still doesn't see that her neglect damaged me.  I can't help that; I can just move on and recover from bad parenting.

In Recovery,

Princess K.

 



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Thanks so much for your responses, Ileana and Princess K. I also know that my mom did not deliberately hurt me. She tried her very best to give me her love and attention. She just did not know that she was criticizing me. She kept telling me that she was not criticizing me when she in fact said a number of things that were very hurtful and said them often. She didn't know that she didn't know. My mom also told me I was brilliant when it was pretty clear to me that I was average. And that hurt a lot because I could never measure up to her expectations. I'm dealing with this now in therapy. Thanks again for sharing on these mother issues.


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