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Post Info TOPIC: SMR February 12


Status: Offline
Posts: 5098
SMR February 12




Status: Offline
Posts: 5098

One of my greatest fears was carrying my childhood baggage into retirement.  I have dumped a lot of it, but still tote some around.  Sometimes self-doubt and fear slip back.

I have actually learned and done a lot.  Sometimes I wonder how other people see me.  Am I a cool Road Captain?  I'm sure others think much better of me than I do of myself.

In Recovery,

Princess K.


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 28

"We are adults by appearance but have yet to mature past our childhood reactions."

Thank you Princess K. for posting this reading.

The sentence that spoke to me the most is copied above. For me, fear motivated me most of my life. I was afraid of financial ruin, that I would lose my job and would not be able to support myself and my children. I don't think I consciously felt the fear. No, I just worked nonstop and was continually preoccupied with developing projects that would make up for my deficits. It was like what some call "the fog of war". For me it was the fog of work. What the fog hid was what I was feeling inside. I had no clue. Instead of feeling the feelings, I acted them out by working working working and continually putting on a cheerful expression day after day. Recovery has given me the tools to feel the feelings instead of acting them out. Meditation has helped me monitor my thoughts and feelings so that they don't slip out through actions I regret. But I have to be really vigilant, catch myself in time, because if I don't, my behavior will result in chaos. As I said yesterday, I'm trying to develop a relationship with a higher power since I know I cannot do this alone. I'm so grateful for this ACA program so that my efforts are part of the effort we all share.

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