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Post Info TOPIC: Counselor


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1607
Date:
Counselor


went to a grief counselor and she asked me what I needed and wanted.Then asked me if I was trying to find out why I was trying to find answer as to why I felt the way I do.Then she said you'll find what works for you.grief is different for everyone.It was a lot to think about.My emotions are all in knots.Exhausted yet wake up tired.No interest in much of anything.Havent talked to my kids since before thanksgiving.Talking to the counselor didn't seem to bring any relief.Its very frustrating.Just when I think I've found something to help me know how I feel.got some Xmas shopping done.Early but hate shopping last minute.This may be extreme but had nothing else to do.Went to the river was going to fish but nothing seems enjoyable.My counselor said it'll take awhile with all the changes I've had in my life.Then be kind to yourself.The million dollar question.Give yourself permission another I don't know how to do that.I google even how to grieve.Its like I need a road map for life.People tell me to just do what you love.Dont know.Eating except I'd be 400 lbs.lol.I don't know who I am or if I ever did.Or was it all just fantasy ideas of my youth.Its seems the harder I try the worse it gets.I have friends but not really close ones that I'll hang with for any length of time.Acouple hours and I'm drained as if I don't know.I just feel so drained by anybody.Yet I get so lonely.I want to be around my kids but only for an hour or so.Does anyone else get like this.Overstimulated.Had coffee with a friend and he invites this guy he knows to join us.I said nothing and proceeded to talk about nothing till the guy left.It was all about him.As usual I listen not setting boundaries.All of us bragging about our accomplishments.Then we talked a little about recovery and he left shortly after.I have friends who are either mentally ill or all over the map doing a million things at once.Busy busy busy.Went for a walk with a guy from church and felt so uncomfortable.We haven't talked since.I just babbled .I do when I get nervous or put on the super religious hat.Im such a phone sometimes yet hate when others do that.It gets exhausting trying to be nice.Seldom do I turn coffee down or tell someone off.This is good to get it out here.I can feel the old noggin slowing down.I need to see what's in my head on paper and tell on myself.Ill get too many resentments otherwise.I have enough as it is.A woman from alanon gave me her number if I ever wanted to talk and I don't know what I'd say.Another guy gave me his number from a recovery group and then doesn't talk when I see him m next .Guess he has his own stuff going on.Fairly new to recovery and everything is rosy.he was going to save the world now reality sets in and all the responsibility he neglected.I don't know afraid I'll just fall into my rescuing mode and start asking about how they're doing.I feel stuck and lost right now.My sisters coming to visit and not looking forward to it.Her husband is nice but a workaholic and fitness addict si it's always lets go for this intense hike or something else.We have nothing in common and heaven forbid we talk about feelings.They make really good money and are fairly well off and I don't relate to them.Hes an ex rose bowl football player and has a degree yet works at a mill.Great money.I feel very inferior around him.Helped him build part of his house and felt like I was going to almost die working with him.When I should be getting ready to retire I'm having to think of some me kind of work I can do to supplement my income.I used to love going to Acoa when it was around.I grew so much in a few years.Now it seems like Ive went backwards.i feel very confused right now by all that's going on.I read others posts and think I'll try that it doesn't work then get discouraged.Its not from lack of searching.The power went out and there was no phone computer tv and it drove me a little crazy.Didnt know how plugged in I was.I always talk about silence yet when it happened the mind went into overdrive.Just rambling now



__________________
Chris


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 4194
Date:

Thanks for your share, Neos.

In Recovery,

Princess K.



__________________


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 480
Date:

Chris. You have a lot to say. I read you. I can not always relate, but that's OK. I'm happy you are thinking things thru. I slip back into old habits. Who doesn't? I eventually (Hopefully sooner than later) dig my heels in and won't go any further awry. At least for then. Hang-in Chris. Thanks for sharing.

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Peace and Love Y'all...especially PEACE

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