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Post Info TOPIC: deception and betrayal ...


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 814
Date:
deception and betrayal ...


Wrote a share on a FB page called 'Say no to gynecological abuse'. (in French)

It was sayd they will answer within a few hours and it's 24h since I posted the

share. I did not received an answer and my share didn't appear on the page either.

I spent the day checking out FB.

I had high hopes that I will feel listened but it's not like ACA.

I feel deceived and betrayed again. Guess I had my hopes too high.

What am I expecting anyway. Feels like I can't trust anyone with this stuff.

No one can understand. People are deceiving. They make promises but they

don't keep them. They say they care but they don't.

In my foo they did the same. They betrayed me. They lied to me. They abused

my trust.

 

And it wasn't my fault! It wasn't my fault.

This is where I am today ...I can't seem to be able to get this into my head.

Something stops me from totally accept it. Betraying foo's patterns... fear of abandonment,

fear of feeling lost, alone, sad, empty. Dead on the inside. Why am I afraid of that,

I already felt all that. I already had all those experiences. It can't be worst.

The hell with family patterns. I am out of this crap. I am not buying anymore into

this. It's over. I'm out the door, sickos, I want my own life, I have the right to be happy and free ...

 

 

Thank you for reading me ...

 

Iléana



-- Edited by Ileana on Monday 9th of October 2017 01:44:44 PM

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Senior Member

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Posts: 102
Date:

Thank you for sharing

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Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1607
Date:



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Chris


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 716
Date:

Ileana wrote:

.

I had high hopes that I will feel listened but it's not like ACA.

I feel deceived and betrayed again. Guess I had my hopes too high.

What am I expecting anyway. Feels like I can't trust anyone with this stuff.

No one can understand. People are deceiving. They make promises but they

don't keep them. They say they care but they don't.

In my foo they did the same. They betrayed me. They lied to me. They abused

my trust. 

And it wasn't my fault! It wasn't my fault.

This is where I am today ...I can't seem to be able to get this into my head.

Something stops me from totally accept it. Betraying foo's patterns... fear of abandonment,

fear of feeling lost, alone, sad, empty. Dead on the inside. Why am I afraid of that,

 

-- Edited by Ileana on Monday 9th of October 2017 01:44:44 PM


 ((((((((((((Ileana))))))))))))  I SO relate to what you are saying...didn't have gynocological abuse, but other abuse...my body..abused...used for another's pleasure, then deceived...love withheld from me.....abandoned when he wasn't horny....abandoned by her all the time.....unless she wanted to beat me or put me down.....oh yea....and this adopted daughter I had to separate from....my FIRST  REAL big step in eliminating the evil and sickos from my life....she willfully liked to hurt me...she is out of my life...blocked her on facebook....blocked her so she can't message me.....I am outta here when it comes to fucked up bad people......part of me is sad, being alone,  the other part is sick to death of most human beings....most are pieces of shit.....the FEW I have in my life are good...loving...kind like me.....I treasure them....but I become more and more cynical about people the older I get.............I so relate to you....



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Live and let live



Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 814
Date:

Thank you mama ... from your shares I am seeing a lot of smilarities between sexual abuse and gynecological abuse ...
Some women in the FB groups I've been reading are even calling it rape because it does fit into the legal description of rape (which is sexual touch without consent). This is exactly what I've been through and I try to heal but don't know what to do with
this feeling of having been soiled, of being dirty and shamefull ...
This is where I am today ..

Lots of love,

Iléana

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Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 716
Date:

Ileana wrote:

Thank you mama ... from your shares I am seeing a lot of smilarities between sexual abuse and gynecological abuse ...
Some women in the FB groups I've been reading are even calling it rape because it does fit into the legal description of rape (which is sexual touch without consent). This is exactly what I've been through and I try to heal but don't know what to do with
this feeling of having been soiled, of being dirty and shamefull ...
This is where I am today ..

Lots of love,

Iléana


 what happened to you I for SURE call rape...being touched in the private parts w/o consent to me is rape...my offender, I managed to keep him from penetrating...dont know how, but I did..however he did everything else to me...it was RAPE and its messed me up for life.....and oh yea, the feeling dirty, shameful...I know when he would get "satisfied" , I would burn myself in showers trying to clean his filth off me....i never felt clean........anytime you need to talk, I am here....I totally relate to hat you are saying...i've been there....being violated and being powerless to stop it is the worst, most damaging thing....but we CAN learn to love ourselves...I think it is so hard because this evil touches the very soul of us....but I just tell me that this was HIS evil,  HIS ticket to hell...HIS shame,  I was just a helpless child with no safe place or person to go to....I was trapped.....now I am not...Now I can defend me.....somehow I have to forgive me for being so small and powerless and terrified,  i was a hostage.....its never our fault ...we just have to keep practicing self love and care........HUGS and support



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Live and let live



Guru

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Posts: 4194
Date:

Thanks for your shares.

In Recovery,

Princess K.



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