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Post Info TOPIC: My inner kid came out today


Guru

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Posts: 992
Date:
My inner kid came out today


I've been doing my therapy today, and I'm feeling stuff......stuff I've both wanted and also been terrified of the feelings involved.  My little kid came out.  I remembered my house, around 5th grade.  I was behind it.  I felt afraid since I didn't have boundaries inside the house, and anyone in my space was "allowed" to be there.  No personal space.  No respect was taught, but I just heard something: "noone stood up for me!"  That's an all-caps sentence though.

I buried him a long time.  He's out.  Forgive my writing, as logic and emotion don't mix right now.  Just sporadic thoughts jump up, emotionally laid. 

So, my kid's out.  He (appears) powerful and intimidating. 

But.    This morning, I wished to write "how do you play with your kid(s) inside of you?"  I know 3 people locally who've admitted to multiple inner children.  One lady is so warm with hers, and she's got 6 or 7--a very strong woman.

Playing?  What's that? (my inner kid popped up while writing that; he was giggling, as it was a nonsense question to a kid!)

Kids know how to play.  Just allow them, and he'll show me.  I almost wrote "they"........I wanted to.  I shamed myself.  I'm sorry.

It's a whole different personality right within me.  Speaking up instantly.

 

Going back to my house, I have feelings there, both pain and fear.  I re-read what I'd wrote about it, since I'm re-enacting an old fear from that time.  I've had fears today and recently that my landlord would knock on my door, and even open it up without me waiting since he wanted to talk to me (all imagined).  My front door is 10 feet away from my bed (I live in a single room), so this fear has hung on me lately.  Anyone, anyone, anyone had rights to walk in growing up.  No privacy.  No respect-----------AND ALSO NO COMMUNICATION!  We never talked as a family growing up.  No family discussions.  Just people walking in saying "I want something!" 

I'm writing since I'm needing to focus on that fear.  Feeling it while doing the therapy is how it's "undone" or dissolved.  I know ACA isn't about therapy.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe I've seen it in the 4th step writing in the BRB that seeking out intensive therapy or counseling may be helpful during this time.  I'd not planned it, but I'm in the 4th step in my step study...........so.... I'm asking for permission........funny  

My mind has not wanted to open up to this.  I thought it would overwhelm me.  I can forgive myself.  I am safe now.

 



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I can't give you a surefire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.



Guru

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   {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{fhorns}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks for sharing your journey.

I wasn't allowed to play as a kid, either; that was silly with no purpose.

I don't remember any family discussions, only arguments.

In Recovery,

Princess K.

 



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Guru

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Thank you. Shall I call you Princess or Ms. Snoopy? (As I wrote that, I remembered playing the butler for my daughter when she was younger. Every day ) And would you care for a spot of tea? We have no crumpets.

"ACA and Therapy" is a whole chapter in the BRB. Chp. 16.

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I can't give you a surefire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.



Guru

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Either one would be fine!!

No crumpets?  Or scones???

K.



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I am duly sorry maam. The market closed at high noon today. Dinner is at 6, and I'll summon you at that time.

Anything else, maam?

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I can't give you a surefire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.



Guru

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Date:

No, call me anything but late for dinner!!! 

In Recovery,

Princess K.



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Guru

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Totally relate to the violation of private space {{{{{{{fhorns}}}}}}, including reading my dairy,
entering the bathroom when I was naked (mom, dad, anyone)
our bathroom didn't have a lock, my room didn't have a lock either and
I shared the bed with my sister which made me hard for me to sleep at night.
I was never alone, nor in the most intimate places like the toilet they would
follow me to get something from me.
This is really hard to get past through and today I realize I don't like people
coming by, except very very trustworthy people. I protect my space a lot today ...


Hugs,

Iléana


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Guru

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fhorns2000 wrote:

 I know 3 people locally who've admitted to multiple inner children.  One lady is so warm with hers, and she's got 6 or 7--a very strong woman. 


              Mine tended to be a bit more girl than boy... without having a rigid gender identity. I pulled on my macho male veneer as I went along... my inner kid bunked most of that!!!



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  short and sweet...  a goal, anyway...

 

 

 

 



Veteran Member

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Date:

Fhorns, I identify with this pain in a profound way.  I remember the feeling of being unprotected and by virtue of that, feeling like I must be unworthy of protection.  I wish my little kid could hug your little kid and say that we are both going to be okay....because we are.  We really are going to be okay.  

You've inspired me to give myself the gift of an imaginary journey back to my childhood, for better or for worse, to see if I can't come back with some healing for my  beautiful little girl.

Love to you and yours.

Victoria



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