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Post Info TOPIC: mimicking others just does not work


Guru

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Posts: 607
Date:
mimicking others just does not work


Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

The crow that mimics a cormorant gets drowned.
--Japanese proverb

When we are young we are vulnerable to the images of success that surround us - in sports, in politics, and in our social life. We watch our heroines and heroes perform, and we strive to emulate them. When the cormorant dives from a hundred feet, we'd love to follow.

As we get older, many of us don't manage to find out who we really are because we've been too busy trying to imitate others - in our dress, our way of talking, our business deals, our preferences, and our tastes. We often aped those who were considered "with it" at the time.

It's healthy to have role models, but they should reflect our true, emerging selves, and not be at the other end of the spectrum. As crows, we'd look silly diving from a hundred feet. Our challenge in recovery is to find out who we are and who we can be and go after that with all our energy. There's nothing wrong with being a crow.

I want to strive with all my heart to be myself.

You are reading from the book:

5062.jpg

 

Answers in the Heart by Anonymous



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Live and let live



Guru

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All my life, i never accepted me...So i had to be like someone else whom I admired..Maybe I would be a better human being, if i took on the persona, looks, activities of another...They broke down my sense of self so bad, I had to be a chamelion in order to survive...If the guy I was dating was a republican, then so was I...If the friend I wanted to hang out with liked to go clubbing rather than be with nature, well, I would go clubbing..

I didn't accept me..I didn't know me..I didn't even like me...Getting into recovery helped me for the first time get to know the real me...I still have some trouble accepting some of my negative traits, but they are part of me, same as the positive traits are...I am only now beginning to accept the whole package, the whole of me...I don't always agree with some of the stuff I did to survive, but I accept what is and I can , if not change, learn to manage the not so good traits..........JUST saying

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Live and let live



Senior Member

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I am too often too much myself and can alienate because of it! Do not really know what to do about it when that happens and will get defensive if I feel I am being "accused" or pushed, one more time, sigh, of not living up to some one else's expectations or "being" how they think I should be. Not all nice and sweet or a people pleaser which is problem for a female! All I have to do is stop and pretty much avoid it instead of react because reaction is not going to change a dang thing. . . .
What is pathetic is it has taken me this long to thoroughly accept it as well as my perception of 'it' (whether right or wrong I am uncomfortable enough I am right for me). I am in my 60's for God's Sake. I am glad I have finally felt justified for myself not continuing to give another chance sometimes.  I have finally given up on some family members, necessarily. 

In regards to being relegated to "the" scapegoat role in my family (as well as others - belated hero taking the place of the absent true golden hero, clown, even some lost one), I need to remind myself of Girard's writings that are so provocative and his theory that people NEED to scapegoat and do it unconsciously to take the attention off of their competitiveness and personal issues.  

Truly devastating having it done to one as a child, difficult to shed that identifier.






-- Edited by Jgirl on Wednesday 9th of August 2017 01:44:38 PM

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Guru

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Posts: 1510
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I always would think what would so and so do.Even described to my wife the type of house I liked and it was the house my mom liked.If someone disliked what I liked I'd change it or not talk to them.Still have trouble.Didnt date in case my kids didn't like her looking for their approval.As if the perfect woman's out ther sorry you guys are lol.Still trying to find out who I am and what I love.Ill change my mind afraid to accept it.I even ask my daughter for advice sometimes.My self esteem sucks.Love myself ,don't know if I even like myself.Willing to work on it.

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Chris


Veteran Member

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Posts: 48
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The shares are all so very "eye opening".

I am trying to find myself.   I have only started doing it.  I am still not sure what I like, but I am trying different things to see what fits me best.

I am trying to see each day has a new adventure in finding myself.  One day at a time.

 

 



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Senior Member

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Posts: 222
Date:

Personally, (as if there is another viewpoint) I find this conversation somewhat amusing. "Know Thyself" is no joke. The Ancients knew. It has taken me 60+ years to "start getting it."

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Peace and Love Y'all...especially PEACE

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