I listened to a guy that had some great recovery and he said in his home group the first thing the do is help newcomers make sure they are even in the right place. I do think that is very important. He went on to say which I have seen and experienced myself having Al-anon/ACOA issues and being in AA can get quite confusing sometimes. Tony A. the ACA founder actually said in his presentation, "The A.A. Steps can make an ACOA crazy", I do like Tony's Steps!My opinion of Al-anon is that it is a great program yet like A.A. the singleness of purpose and strict non - conference approved literature policy limits me too much at times. ACA's open literature policy is more helpful to me.
I do want to discuss PTSD, Codependency and other things related to my recovery too without feeling like I am limited and or doing something wrong. Road To Recovery is a bit limited and I want to stay more focused on the grief process. The stuck feelings of the fight,flight or freeze response. I have lots of stuck feelings and my body tells me all about it.
The newer Al-anon book "Transforming Our Losses" touches alot on grief but just not enough for me. This current rebuilding of Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families...seperate from Al-anon ACOA has been interesting.
I do wish the ACA WSO board of trustees was full, currently I think there are about 8 trustees and currently just a small service structure. I am also investigating about the history of both Al-anon and ACA, ACOA, Adult Children Anonymous it gets confusing at times.
One main Al-anon principle is about detachment and although ACA/Dysf. Families (ACA WSO) also talks about detachment and integration I think ACA has more to do with the Inner Child concepts and more understanding of the importance of getting to the anger before the forgiveness.
PTSD can cause real detachment within, so although I do go to both Al-anon and ACA I feel there are actually completely different.
ACA/Dysfunctional Families, ACDF, Al-Anon's ACOA; Adult Child Anonymous., Miracles In progress, Step Chat, etc..can't we all get along. LOL It's like the Native Americans in my area ever wants there own seperate tribe.
The information passed on by my ACA Fellow Travelers helped to give me clarity when I first came to ACOA type recovery.
Besides the different First Step and the different Tradition Seven funds I have learned ACA has the copyrights to The Problem ,The Solution and The ACA Promises "is" ACA WSO conference approved literature.
The Problem,The Solution and The Promises "is not" Al-Anon Adult Child Anonymous conference approved literature.
I was listening to the Marty.S presentation again this morning and realized he mentions the reason ACA had to separate from Al-Anon in the very first few minutes of this presentation. http://www.acawso.org/Marty_S.htm
Marty S. said at the 2006 ACA convention:The major piece of literature we used was the Problem and it was not conference approved literature.....(quoting his friend)"It was put in a box and shoved under the table" The "We" he is referring to is Al-Anon ACA.
The major piece of literature we used was the Problem and it was not conference approved literature.....(quoting his friend)"It was put in a box and shoved under the table"
Here are two quotes from an ACA Fellow Traveler:#1.)While Al Anon and ACA are Twelve Step programs, they are somewhat different in focus and approach. Al Anon primarily focuses on familial alcoholism and how to live detached and serenely with a drinking alcoholic or to live a better life with an alcoholic, who has found recovery. In Al Anon, the Al Anon focus on self and works their own program.
While Al Anon and ACA are Twelve Step programs, they are somewhat different in focus and approach. Al Anon primarily focuses on familial alcoholism and how to live detached and serenely with a drinking alcoholic or to live a better life with an alcoholic, who has found recovery. In Al Anon, the Al Anon focus on self and works their own program.
In ACA, we focus on ourselves as well and work our own program. With the Twelve Steps, we focus on recovering from the effects of growing up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional home. We believe the effects of a dysfunctional home guide or steer our behavior and thoughts as adults. Unlike, Al Anon, we look at the family system in addition to inventorying our own behaviors in recovery.
The ACA member looks at dysfunctional family roles, harmful messages and other abuse involved in growing up in a dysfunctional home. We believe it is essential and healing to work the Twelve Steps and to look at the family system as we also concentrate on our individual behaviors and thoughts.
If you look at Al Anon's First Step and ACA's First Step, you will see the difference.
Al Anon -- Step One:``We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.''
ACA -- Step One:``We admitted we were powerless over the effects of alcoholism and other family dysfunction, that our lives had become unmanageable.
#2.)Hello, I agree with the idea of having ACA meetings that adhere to the principles and the Twelve Steps of ACA. I believe in clarity for ACA meetings so that newcomers are clear on which fellowship they are involved with. I can't tell you how many times I read these two questions on this forum.
Hello, I agree with the idea of having ACA meetings that adhere to the principles and the Twelve Steps of ACA. I believe in clarity for ACA meetings so that newcomers are clear on which fellowship they are involved with. I can't tell you how many times I read these two questions on this forum.
1) ``What is the difference between ACA and ACoA?'' (None).
2) ``Is ACA and Al-Anon ACoA the same thing?'' (No).
ACA WSO has done its best to present the answer to these questions in ACA literature and through this forum and we will continue to do so while remaining respectful to Al-Anon and other Twelve Step fellowships.
With the publication of our new fellowship text, more and more people are understanding that ACA is an autonomous 12-Step program that is separate from other fellowships.
They understand that this separation is reasonable and in line with the separation called for by AA and Al-Anon and which works for AA and Al-Anon. More adult children are finding ACA and embracing our solution to the effects of growing up in an alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional family.
Additionally, I respectfully ask that ACA meetings should not be confused with outside entities or other Twelve Step approaches that use ACA material but who do not use our fellowship name.
Adult Children of Alcoholics was the first Twelve Step fellowship to write literature that is specific to the adult child experience.
ACA meetings use the Laundry List (Problem), the Solution and the ACA Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.
ACA meetings include ACA's foundational language of alcoholism and recovery from the effects of alcoholism.
ACA has widened its focus to gladly include adult children from other dysfunctional family types but we remain Adult Children of Alcoholics with a focus on the the effects of alcoholism.
We are not CoDA or Al-Anon ACoA or any other combination of other fellowships. These are fine programs but they are not who we are.
Thank You Very Much for that quote-clarity
In my understanding there has been an ongoing problems with ACA separating from Al-Anon for a long time.
1989 Caucus Session http://www.acawso.org/ipb/index.php?showtopic=538 Jim M. noted that in the process of a years development of the Intergroup "(BREAKING AWAY FROM AL-ANON)" a very strong group conscience developed around the issue of inclusively. Here they discuss the name change Adult Children Anonymous and changing the name to Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Jim M. noted that in the process of a years development of the Intergroup "(BREAKING AWAY FROM AL-ANON)" a very strong group conscience developed around the issue of inclusively. Here they discuss the name change Adult Children Anonymous and changing the name to Adult Children of Alcoholics.
It was decided the ACA would not discriminate against any individual, irregardless of background, as long as they identified with the characteristics of the Problem.
Currently there is actually an intergroup on the ACA WSO website using Adult Children Anonymous name. I find that VERY confusing and even against Traditions.
Again, The Problem is not Al-Anon conference approved. That appears to be a real on going problem to me.
In my understanding of the Identity Papers and the reason for this separation is explained very well in the first paragraph of:
The Identity Papers: Finding Wholeness Through Separation http://www.acawso.org/ipb/index.php?showtopic=473
I did not come to ACA recovery for more confusion. I am glad I finally understand the difference between ACA/Dysfunctional families and Al-Anon.
I have also heard there is technically only one Adult Children of Alcoholics and it is ACA/Dysfunctional Families.I hope others can add to this topic and spare other newcomers of the confusion.
In my understanding with the 2006 final release of the ACA/Dysfunctional Families Text this separation of Al-anon ACOA and ACA will finally be 100% complete....eventually.
I also had quoted Dr.Jan alot but now I disagree with her. She said," Go to AA to get sober, then go to Al-anon to learn to detach then go to ACOA for recovery of core issues. Today I think that is too black and white thinking and know of many personally that could not get sober without doing family of origin work first or at least combined etc...I also know there is alot of confusion between Tradition Seven funds. I attended a chat meeting once at ACA WSO website where someone used a Miracles In Progress format or was that a Stepchat format and the fund asked to be sent to Al-anon that was discusssed later at there ACA WSO meeting and cleared up.I can support both but like the importance of understanding all the Traditions I do want to be clear where I am at the time and have respect fro that fellowship and not cross pollinating fellowships, not robbing from but actually supporting each when I choose. I also heard Al-anon had been around since 1951 and yet Tony A. started the first ACA meeting but branched of from Al-anon etc.. I think in Tony's presenatation he says the Mothers were in Al-anon and the fathers were in AA and the Al-a-teens that turned 18 had no where safe to go.http://www.adultchildren.org/lit/EarlyHistory.sWith all that said I am still not sure if I am ever in the right place myself...the I'm differert disease?
Thanks for listening
The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth will set me free.
Peace101 wrote: If I wanted to know where the money goes, I would simply ask John, as others have already suggested. I have no direct knowledge and, to me, that helps keeps the anonymous side just that. Anonymous. - Tom
If I wanted to know where the money goes, I would simply ask John, as others have already suggested. I have no direct knowledge and, to me, that helps keeps the anonymous side just that. Anonymous. - Tom
DreamXL wrote:Just ordered two on amazon :) sending one to my sister..:) thanks again...
Just ordered two on amazon :) sending one to my sister..:) thanks again...
DreamXL - word of caution - the Betrayal Bond book is a TOUGH book to work through - it suggests in the book to work with someone - talk about it - a sponsor, a therapist, someone who can hold your hand through it. There was a lot of time in working through it that I just sat and stared and cried for hours - I needed that. . .it was part of the process, so it was well worth for me to communicate to my husband that I needed this, that he would have to take care of himself during the process. When I needed breaks, I took breaks, but I went back to it as soon as I felt strong enough to do so. Communication was very important for me to be able to work through it and successfully complete it. There were times when my husband flipped out over the time spent, but that was his issue - I kept going, because I was worth HEALING. The pain level I had prior to the working this book was over the top - I was edging toward suicide. Before the book was a quarter of the way worked through I noticed the pain being released and at a much lower level. I couldn't laugh or enjoy anything - I was in so much pain. Now? Wow. . . emotional pain is there sometimes, but when it supposed to be. It's not constant. . .and it's much more manageable - and I'm laughing like crazy now! Back to my old joy filled happy adventurous self. My nick name used to be Pixie at one point - because I tended toward being a mischievous free spirit before Joe died. That's my little girl, my inner child coming out to play again. . .and she's so welcome!
It took me nine months to slowly work through the book - taking breaks and letting it work. I'm so glad I took the time I needed.
Thank you Quiet Morning..I hear you loud and clear. I remember when I started reading the big red acoa/aca book I would go in near shock as I read things that were floating in my head but never found the words to put them in. I will be careful :) What hits me so hard with your post on this is a few things. A 2 year relationship with an alcholic/addict is what brought me thru the doors of alanon but all the while never in my mind was the thought of changing him. In retrospect I didnt know all that much about addiction so I really didnt know what I was in for. Not to excuse the relationship because if I was honest the minute I knew I should have run for the hills had my thinking been healthy. It wasnt about me trying to change him as I was clear he was who he was. It was my attraction and heart break over a person who was incapable of meeting my needs on any level. I knew something was wrong with that picture. Alanon helped me see many things and find a relationship with my higher power but there was something missing for me. I do continue to do alanon on line only and face to face acoa/aca. This truly has been the missing link. My mom who is an unrecovered acoa herself raising me I now see how much of my thinking has been askewed and understand why. She was my role model after all :) I was never physically or sexually abused but emotionally I dont think growing up with an unrecovered acoa can be any other way. Not intentionally but at this point that becomes inconsequential. She married a man who never spoke. Literally ignored everyone in the family and I watched her pain and grew up feeling sorry for her. I was very embarrassed about my family as a child. As young as I was I knew someting wasnt right. I met my father who I was told was dead my whole life when i was 19. Being a heroin addict my mother thought it was best I thought that. She did always tell me how much they were in love and how I was the greatest thing that ever happened to her and on and on. At 19 and spending about a year with him I find out how things really went....I watched my mom her whole life live in a fantasy land with respect to my father. She would talk about him like he was the second coming and her soul mate and knew she could never find another man like him..hence she married a man that she thought would be a good provider and father...good grief!!! Im rambling now lol....anyhow....I came into these 12 step programs "willing" to take a look at anything, entertain all ideas, see if the shoe fit so to speak. My desire to get healthy in mind and spiritually is just that great. The shame addiction just hit a loud cord with me. I mean I just stopped when I read that. Someting yelled me to...thats how I felt when I was the alcholic. Not all the time of course but at times...and yet instead of running 100 miles an hour I stayed for more... good god!! Because that is how I felt alot of the times and I have never ever heard of this before so I really feel I need to look further into this and see if the shoe fits. I dont really have anyone to talk about it with when I receive the book other than my sister. She is also in aca in california and finds herself married to a sex addict...ugh...No denial there for her but working to get healthier and leave him herself. I thought this may be a good book for the two of us and perhaps we can discuss it . Otherwise, I may be posting to you LOL...kidding you...thank you so much again for caring and taking the time ...blessings :)
How very true. When one is confused or in need of SOME form of understanding and connection, a discussion of "politics" doesn't even hit my radar as important.
I also agree, by getting hung up and stuck on any other issue, we are able to avoid our own stuff.
Hmmm- thanks CoG... I was aware this bit of diatribe was locked up here in the archives.
I arrived on board after this all happened. I asked the same questions that appear on this thread. I must have bin a bit more bruised along the way, an' got weary of the fight. So I chucked down my spear and my shield with I hit this forum.
To be honest I did check it all out- and know a lot about the workings- in ACA and Alanon at least- and i do think its okay...
...keep it simple...