I am so deeply sorry that you are going thru such a terrible time. I totally understand the power of a parent over the child. Unfortunelty when drugs or alcohol is added to the mix it just makes things that much worse. You on the other hand are seeing things from a different perspective I believe. You see the hold and the disfuntion of the family. Some people feel that they need to either buy love or pressure love into loving them. YOur feelings are genuin and you are hurting. Help your husband with his grief and I am sure your marriage will go back to the loving times that you miss. If you go back to the main page www.12stepforums.net for miracles in progress you will see links. Go to links and look for grief managment. Maybe you can do this together. Please come to our meetings here too. You may also want to check out the Healing room meetings, and possibly the alanon. What ever route or room you choose, we are a loving family here that does not judge. We all are here for a reason and we all have stories to tell. sometimes it does take a miracle just to make it thru each day.